I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
