And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
