Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
