Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I think I just sharted jello shots
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
