I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
