Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
