come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
