sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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