did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
