All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
