"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
