Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
