I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
