Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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