it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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