so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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