I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
