I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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