need another drink. this is the easiest way
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
