I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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