im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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