was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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