Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
