You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
