I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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