i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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