Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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