oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I would fuck him just for his dog
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
