wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
