you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
