Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
