After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
