"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
