i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
