I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
