I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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