Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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