....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
