You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
