I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
