I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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