actually, I'm a sock model
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
