Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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