I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
