You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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