So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just blew my weed a kiss
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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