My underwear smells like fireworks.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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