do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
