You're so nebulous sometimes
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
