My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Randomize
