Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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