According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
