i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
