I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
