twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
