On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
vagina is talking i cant
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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