Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
